By Jeff Foster
When you awaken, what disappears is your interest in maintaining a consistent ‘image’. You know the image can never, ever be who you really are.
The ‘good’ one, the ‘nice’ one, the ‘wise’ one, even the ‘enlightened’ one. All illusion. All deeply unsatisfying.
You are awake. You are alive. You are undefinable. You are Life. Nothing else matters. Every image of ‘you’ gets incinerated in the furnace of presence.
You are no longer afraid to speak your truth. You speak your truth not to hurt or offend or to prove yourself ‘right’, but because living a life of lies and pretence was crushing your spirit and making you so unhappy. And your unhappiness was infecting those around you.
Lies make you sick; only truth enlivens.
Now, you let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no. And your “I don’t know” is sacred, too.
Loved ones may feel disappointed, hurt, sad, angry. They may want the ‘old you’ back. They may call you deluded, crazy, out of touch, selfish, a liar. They may stop talking to you. They may never listen again.
It’s all ok. They are on their journey, and you are on yours. Feel your feelings; allow your own sorrows and joys. Let your thoughts arise and dissolve like clouds in the sky.
You were never in this for the popularity. You were never in this to be liked, admired, accepted. Nobody has to walk with you.
The name-calling is part of the game. You are discovering day by day who your true friends are.
You will discover your true family, your true source of support, even if you have to walk away from your birth family for a while, or forever. Old friends may fall away too. Forgive them; their unhappiness is not your business. And your happiness is not their responsibility.
This will take courage and the ability to be present. To breathe. To feel your feet on the ground. To know you had no choice but to live.
You are breaking free from generations upon generations of guilt and blame.
You could never be what they wanted you to be.
Your failure was your victory.
You may be scared, the future may seem uncertain now, but you have never felt so alive, so wild and free, so pregnant with potential.
A winter solstice 2020 short stream for a Movement Medicine community
The seed of life is within us all, our dance here is mundane, strange and wonderful.
Where do you see a window you can open for a subtle sacrament to slip into your day?
Meanwhile, someplace in the world, somebody is making love and another a poem.
God speaks to each of us as he makes us, then walks with us silently out of the night.
Give yourself permission to rest and receive lullabies for your heart.
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